The Secret Diary Of a Horse Lover
by Ryette
Summary: ON HIATUS: The diary of Sam Forster, which includes rambling about Jake Ely, horses, little siblings, Jake Ely, and Jake Ely!Apparently it's hilarious!NO FLAMES! R&R.Inspired by another fic.
1. Of Diaries and Jake Ely

This story was inspired by a Harry Potter I story I read and think is hilarious.

R&R!

Disclaimer: I own anything I can buy. Since I can create my own characters, they are mine because I can afford them.

-----------------

_Saturday June 20th, 6:05 PM _

Since Brynna gave me this diary for my birthday, I figured that I might as well use it.

She wrote on the card that girls need somewhere to let out their emotions. Ha. That's what Ace is for.

Yesterday I had an in-depth conversation with Ace about how homework is stupid and should die.

_6:06 PM_

By the way, my name is Sam. Samantha Forster. I'm 15.

_6:07 PM_

You don't care, do you?

No, I didn't think so.

_6:08 PM_

You know, I figured this would be as good a place as any to write what I realized yesterday.

It is such a top secret secret. It's so secretly secret that no one can know because it's a secret.

_6:09 PM_

You want to know? Too bad.

_6:10 PM_

Fine, if you really want to know, I could tell you.

_6:11 PM_

HA! JUST KIDDING! SUCKS FOR YOU!

No I'm kidding. I'll tell you after dinner.

_7:00 PM_

Notice how long it took me to eat. I do not want to tell you what I figured out.

_7:01 PM_

I think I'll get ready for bed now.

I'm stalling, because I'm very reluctant to go public about that thing I figured out.

_7:03 PM_

Oooh, I LOVE this song! Dirty Little Secret!

_7:08 PM_

Note to self: do not dance around room half dressed for bed when six month old brother could crawl in at any moment and be traumatized.

Said brother could have that image stored in his head for years to come and possibly cry or taunt sister.

_7:10 PM_

Don't you _dare_ think I'm trying to get off subject so I don't have to say the thing I'm terribly reluctant about saying!

Whoa, did that make sense?

_7:11 PM_

Ok, fine.

_7:12 PM_

So yesterday, I realized that...

_7:13 PM_

Oh, this is so embarrassing!

_7:14 PM_

Come on, you're a diary, for God's Sake!

You are made of paper!

And I'm talking to you...

_7:15 PM_

Yesterday I realized that Jake Ely is freaking hot!

_Sat. 7:16 PM_

There! I said it! Are you happy now?

_7:17 PM_

I mean, I've known him forever and now it's like, oh my gosh, hot guy!

_7:18 PM_

He's awesome, you know.

And hot.

And cool.

He's nice too.

_7:19 PM_

Yes, he is now officially my mental picture of the perfect guy.

_7:20 PM_

Well, of course I like him!

What gave you that brilliant idea?

Was it my ranting for...5 minutes that gave it away?

Dang. I don't want anyone to know...

Wait. You're a diary. It's not like there's a conspiracy of diaries that are going to tell everyone who I like.

_7:21 PM_

Unless...

_7:22 PM_

DUSTIN!

My little brother that can't read or talk or walk is going to figure out who I like one way or another!

And he'll use baby sign language to tell everyone!

Noooooooooo!

I must hide this...

_7:23 PM_

Oh. It has a lock. Hahaha. I knew that.

I _so_ knew that.

_7:25 PM_

Did you know that I have been amusing myself with this diary for nearly 30 minutes?

Wow.  
I need to get out more.

Wait a second...

_7:45 PM_

Sorry you had to miss 20 minutes of my life. I had a strange urge to go outside and see the horses.

_7:46 PM_

You know what; I bet you are so bored that you fell asleep.

Yeah. That's right.

Listen to you snore...sounds like a train.

A freight train.

Those are louder, you know.

_8:00 PM_

Oh my GOSH!

This is not happening to me!

_8:01 PM_

Tell me the doorbell didn't just ring and I walked downstairs to open it.

I forgot I had on Eeyore pajamas and a pink tank top that's 3 sizes too small that I got in, like, 2nd grade, that says 'Osh Kosh Kids' on it!

And guess who was at the door?

_8:02 PM_

Yes. It was him.

Him.

Remember?

The hot guy?

Jake?

Jake Ely?

My, you sure have short term memory loss.

_8:03 PM_

Now what in the world is Jake doing sitting in our kitchen drinking hot chocolate at eight at night?

Apparently, he rode over here because he thought my dad needed help with some sort of thing involving hay.

It was raining and he's soaking wet.

He is also staying overnight.

My dad has the most cowboy-ish name ever.

Wyatt.

Isn't that so Western?

_8:04 PM_

But back to the subject of Jake in kitchen.

You know, I think he came to see me.

Maybe he doesn't even know it, but deep down, he has this burning desire to ask me out.

I'm going to wait 10 minutes, Jake Ely, and see if you come up to ask me out.

_8:14 PM_

DANGIT!

_8:15 PM_

So here's what happened when I walked down to open the door.

"Hi Brat," Jake said.

I froze and I squeaked. Like a mouse.

"What are you doing here?"

"Doesn't Wyatt need help with the hay?"

"We did that already, Jake. Sorry, I tried to call you," my dad said from the living room.

The idiots! They could have gotten off their lazy bums and gone to answer the door.

Anywho...

"Oh...," Jake said.

"Would you like cocoa?" Gram asked randomly, and she started pulling out milk and chocolate.

"Sure."

Jake is trying to torture me.

I swear.

_8:16 PM_

He wants me to be intoxicated by his presence.

_8:17 PM_

He has powers to make the weather be too stormy to ride home.

_Seriously._

_8:18 PM_

Back to the conversation.

"It's raining pretty hard Jake. Do you want to ride home in this weather?" Brynna said.

"Looks like the roads are floodin' up," Dad said. "Might not want to drive, either."

"You could stay here," Brynna suggested. "Sam, go get the guest room ready."

I swear, they're all plotting against me.

"It's always ready," I grumbled, before running back upstairs and here I am.

Talking to my diary.

_8:20 PM_

Sorry for the two minute delay in writing.

I was staring at Jake.

The guest room is across the hall, you know.

Oooh. He smiled at me.

_8:50 PM_

Note to self: Never trust Jake Ely when he smiles.

Because it was a smirk.

Stupid little...

Well, since I know you're dying for details...

Jake threw me a soda.

"Ooooh, soda!" I exclaimed. Soda.

I opened the soda.

Which had just flown through the air.

Guess what? It exploded all over me and my room and EVERYTHING!

I had to clean it up.

By myself.

_8:51 PM_

Well, all right, I enlisted the help of Jake because it was his fault.

Mostly just because I wanted to have him in view so I could stare at him when he wasn't looking.

I would have made him clean the soda off my diary, too, but then he would have looked in it and seen that I think he's cute.

That would be disaster.

_8:52 PM_

Oh my god, how am I going to _live_ through a whole night in the same house as Jake?

-----------------

A/N: I hope no one hates it.

**_NO FLAMES_** OR I WILL POKE YOU WITH A STICK!

That's right.

R&R.

And for those of you who are always demanding more action, be patient. The next chapters will be better.

I promise.

Really.

-DSA


	2. Of Sleeplessness and Earplug Hunts

Hi, I know I haven't updated some stories in a while but never fear! I will have an update for Waiting and Rainfall eventually!

Tell me if you like the minute-by-minute format or this format better. I need to figure out which is better.

Cowgirl2 wants me to tell you that if you're waiting for an update on Larger than Life, she won't be updating for a while!

-----------------------

_Saturday June 20th, 10:00 PM_

Stupid, stupid, stupid...

Owwww...

The pain...

The PAIN!

-------------------

Excuse me. You have no idea what I'm talking about.

Do you?

-------------------

Well, you would feel extreme pain if you fell on your back and hit your head on the bedpost.

--------------------

Well, of course I didn't do it on purpose!

I was trying to look at Jake.

I was sitting on my bed reading the past journal entries.

And I fell off the bed.

---------------------

I don't know why I didn't get up and walk over to the door, I just didn't feel like it!

And now I hurt.

-------------------------

Whoa.

Never do that again.

Well, I only did it so I could see Jake. I heard him moving around in the guest room and since I could tell the door was open I wanted to look at him.

---------------------

OH MY GOD!

---------------------

He just walked into my room!

---------------------

I need to hide you! Hold on...

------------------------

_10:50 PM_

All right. I hope the closet wasn't too scary; it was the only place that you could fit.

Anyway, I know you want to know what happened when Jake walked into my room.

First, I ran over to the closet, yelling, "OW!" because of extreme back and butt pain.

Then, I shoved you in the closet.

"Brat?" Jake asked.

"Yes?" I said, trying to fake a French accent and tilting my head to the side with a dumb little grin.

"What the heck are you doing in here? I just heard a thump...," Jake said, and then looked around my room.

"I-I fell off my bed," I stuttered, hoping he wouldn't ask why.

"Why?"

Oh, the gods hate me. They really do.

"Uh, um, er, well...you see, it wasn't really so much what I was doing as what caused it."

"Huh?" Jake asked, sounding stupid.

"It sounded like you were jumping on the bed so I was looking to see what you were doing and I fell out of bed." I sat down on the floor. "And here I am."

"Right...," Jake looked distracted as he looked around my room.

Then, he stared at me.

It wasn't a 'oh my god, I love you so much!' stare. It was a 'you have a piece of purple asparagus glued to your face' stare.

---------------

No, you dolt! I did not have a piece of purple asparagus glued to my face! I was just using that to explain that he wasn't looking at me like he liked me.

----------------

Alas, no, it was not a good stare.

"What?" I asked.

"You are really an interesting person," Jake said slowly.

I was now standing, and I was clutching a bedpost.

When he said that, my mouth went wide open and I let go of the bed, causing me to fall over.

"'Cause you fell off you bed because you were too lazy to get up and go to the door. 'Night, Brat," Jake said, and then walked back to his room.

-------------------

Note to self: Trying to look at Jake causes pain in two ways.

One, falling off bed hurts.

Two, hearing him say that you're interesting causes you to fall on ground and that hurts.

----------------

_11:43 PM_

I have not fallen asleep tonight.

I swear, Jake Ely is taking over my brain.

Seriously.

-----------------

Must...distract...brain...

Ooooh, look, a pony!

Oooh, it's sparkly and awesome...

------------------

WOW!

A _pigeon_!

Now that is a sight that you don't normally see at 11:44 at night in Nevada!

Yeah!

-------------------

I am now done yelling "ROCK ON, PIGEON!" out the window.

Sorry, I just..._felt_ like it, ok?

Man, I am so tired and I can't go to sleep. Maybe I can shut my door and put in earplugs so I can't tell Jake is in the house...

Yeah.

Now where are the earplugs?

I'll take you with me on my adventure so you can experience it first thing.

------------------

Hmm...linen closet...

AHHHH! A spider!

Hmm...what's this box?

Ugh.

Tampons.

I just tossed the box over my shoulder and it hit the wall.

Hey, this looks like a box of earplugs!

EWWWWW!

------------------

Nasty...wrong...ewww...traumatic thoughts...

That is not something that should be kept in plain view to minors.

I am sitting in a corner, shaking.

I need to go to a therapy session.

That was just...ugh.

I am so scared that I refuse to tell you what I saw.

-----------------

Trust me, you do _not _want to know.

----------------------

Fine!  
I saw a box of...things that start with 'C'...and...Ends with an 'S'...

They are used to keep someone from getting pregnant...

Eww. Dad...Brynna...

Oh MY GOD!

Nasty images!

I need to go slap myself.

---------------------------

All right...sorry about that incident that you probably didn't need to know about.

Forget about the earplugs.

They weren't important in the first place.

Yeah, you know what? I'll just suffer and stay awake forever since Jake's here.

-----------------

_3:21 AM_

Heh. Sorry. Must have dozed off.

Wait a minute...

I actually fell asleep!

This calls for a celebration! I'm going to go get a bag of goldfish.

-------------------

Mmmm...

The snack that smiles back, Goldfish!

------------------

Are you, like, totally bored now?

You're probably tired, too. I mean, it's 3:30 in the morning now!

Wow, I haven't

_6:30 AM_

Didn't get to finish my sentence; I fell asleep and Gram just woke me up.

Anyway, I was going to say that I haven't gotten any sleep.

I just remembered that I like Jake, and I couldn't get to sleep because he was in the house.

Now I'm not as tired, but I'm still sleeping.

I mean, sleepy.

------------------------

Breakfast was...interesting.

First, I couldn't look at dad and Brynna without freaking out. Thanks a lot, box of things.

Then, I brought my diary down and I was writing, until I realized Jake was trying to read it.

"JAKE!" I screamed.

"What?" he asked.

"Don't read it," I hissed and snatched my diary away.

"I wasn't...," he said.

"Yes you were! What did I just write?"

"Something about being sleepy?"

"HA! You did read it!"

Oh my...

The part about me being sleepy was right below something I wrote about liking Jake!

"NO!" I shouted, and then smacked him.

"What was that for?"

"You read it," I said in what I hoped was a menacing tone.

"Um...," Jake was at a loss for words.

"You must die!" I said, and then tackled him so he fell out of his chair.

------------------

Yes, that was breakfast.

I felt sorry for Jake after that, so I hugged him and wouldn't let go.

I mean, I _really_ was just attached to him like a burr in a horse's mane!

I worshiped those 10 minutes...hugging Jake...he smells good...

-----------------

Oh yes, I've learned a lesson: Bring diary to the dinner table every time Jake's here.

Even though he might try to read it, that could lead to a Jake hug-fest!

Yay!

------------------

A/N: All right, I'm sorry if this wasn't very funny. I know Sam was more random than funny in this, but I just had to write something.

Tell me what can be improved and also tell me what formatting I should use.

DO NOT FLAME!

I have a plan for this story, but I still welcome small suggestions and ideas!

-DSA


	3. Of Failure to Knock and Hug Fests

A/n: Ooh I love this format. 'Tis funny. Hehe, sorry PitBullLover. I just find this...fun.Heh.

-----------------------------

_Sunday June 21st, 9:04 AM (In the morning.It means Ante Meridian. As if you didn't know.)_

Stole time away from chores.

Haha. Take that, Dad!

Mmm-hmm. I am slacking.

------------------------------

_9:05 AM_

What in the...

------------------------------

_9:06 AM_

There is an odd shaped lump on my left leg.

Hmm...

Now where did that come from?

-------------------------------

_9:10 AM_

Ah, yes. The Jake incident.

The looking-at-Jake incident.

The looking-at-Jake-from-bed-and-falling-off-said-bed incident.

Heh. Said. Bed.

Rhyming!

I must have hurt my leg while falling off of said bed.

------------------------------

_10:32 AM_

I swear to you, Jake Ely hates my guts.

He really, truly, honestly does.

------------------------------

_10:33 AM_

Does he think I actually_ enjoy _it when he decides to be a jerk?

------------------------------

_10:34 AM_

Since you're just desperate to know what he did...

I shall not tell you 'till you BEG ON YOUR KNEES, _MORTAL!_

-----------------------------

_10:36 AM_

I hate you.

If hate were a country, it'd be more populated than China!

So anyway...

I was walking along outside, minding my own business, when a pile of mud hits my head.

It's freakin' raining, I have my hood up, and mysterious stranger comes up behind me, pulls down my hood, and throws the mud at me!

"YOU...," I shouted, turning around and punching him. What a great way to get him to like me!

-----------------------------

_10:37 AM_

I do **_not_** like Jake Ely anymore.

I do **_not_** like Jake Ely anymore.

I do **_not_** like Jake Ely anymore.

I do **_not_** like Jake Ely anymore.

-------------------------------

_10:38 AM_

Oh, screw it, I do still like him!

-----------------------------

_10:50 AM_

_Ew._

There is dried mud in my hair.

I realized that a couple minutes ago, when I went down for lunch and Gram pointed it out.

Must...go...shower...

--------------------------

_11:30 AM_

Never shower again.

Never leave room again.

_Ever._

--------------------------

_11:32 AM_

I have to set down rules for myself if I ever absolutely have to leave my room:

1. Knock on the bathroom door, even if it's part open; do _not_ automatically walk in!

2. If someone is in the bathroom, knock and _wait for an answer._

3. Do not stand in the middle of the bathroom after barging in, and stare open-mouthed and slack-jawed at very hot Jake Ely in only a towel.

--------------------------

_11:33 AM_

I am now scared.

Not of shirtless Jake, mind you.

I'm scared of leaving my room lest I embarrass myself in front of a guy I like.

------------------------

_11:40 AM_

Why must this day go so slow?

It's like the world is trying to draw out every minute of torture until Jake leaves.

-------------------------

11:41 AM

Maybe I go walk around in a towel and see how he likes it!

Yeah!

Well, no, he doesn't like me, so he'd probably just say, "Uh, the shower's upstairs," or, "Why aren't you wearing clothes?"

My clever response: "YOU ARE HOT IN A TOWEL!"

--------------------

11:42 AM

Er, yeah.

Righto.

Well ex-_cuse_ me if I think he's hot!

Pssh.

Because you know, it's not my fault that some people are just naturally hot. I mean, come on! Jake showers, brushes his hair, that's it. As far as I know, he's never heard of anything like shopping, or makeup, or...

Oh, well, duh!

He's a _guy_. Guys do not wear makeup.

Well, some of them wear eyeliner.

Like Trenton...UGH! I hate Trenton!

------------------------

_11:45 AM_

jake, I shal keel u!

-------------------

_11:46 AM_

See! Look what he does to me! The brain cells in charge of spelling and grammar and capitalizing are slacking!

Maybe they have cancer...

Wait...that would mean _I _have cancer!

Oh my GOSH NO!

-------------------

_11:47 AM_

Calm down, Sam.

You do not have cancer.

----------------------

_11:49 AM_

I need a band-aid.

Oops.

That needs to be capitalized and have a little R in a circle or something because it's a brand name!

Could they sue me for this?

Anyway, I need a Band-Aid. Because, you see, I found a cut on my leg.

Next to the oddly shaped lump that looks like a peacock...

-------------------------

_11:54 AM_

Oh,_ YUCK!_

I must kill last night's earplug hunt!

--------------------

_11:55 AM_

Must think of anything to rid brain of nasty thoughts...anything but Dad and Brynna doing...

Ew.

Well, come to think of it, anything could be nastier than that. Like, one really nasty thing to rid my brain of those thoughts is...

Hmm...Ryan and Darrell.

On the beach.

In pink bikinis!

Ewwww!

Ryan and Darrell, making out! On the beach! In pink bikinis! Ew!

And Jen catching them...and the rest of the world catching them...

See, Jen and Ryan have this sort-of relationship going on.

They're kinda dating.

I can see the headlines now: "BISEXUAL TEEN IS REVEALED! HIS SORTA-KINDA GIRLFRIEND IS HEARTBROKEN!"

All right. Nasty thoughts of parental units do not seem so nasty now.

--------------------

_12:00 PM(Which means Post Meridian. In the afternoon/evenink. I mean, evening.)_

Why must this day take so long?

------------------------

_5:00 PM_

Jake is gone. I am v., v., _v._ sad.

Here is a recap:

"Jake's leaving!" Brynna shouted up the stairs.

I leapt up from my chair and started down the stairs, but Jake was already in the hall by my room.

"See ya later, Brat," he said lazily.

"No, stay for dinner!" I insisted.

"We had dinner already," he said.

"Fine."

I was determined to say to him, 'Go away and I never want you to come back and torture me again!'

In fact, I decided I would say that.

"Well, bye," he said.

Here it comes...my great line...

"NO! Don't leave!" I shouted, and hugged him.

Crap! I didn't say the right thing!

"You'll see me tomorrow."

"It's not the same!" I said, hugging him tighter and being dragged along behind him down the stairs.

Oooh, yes, another Jake hug-fest.

"Brat, let me go!"

"Noooo!" I said, shaking my head so hard I must have caused serious damage to his brain.

I meant, I whacked him with my hair that was for some stupid reason still wet from the shower.

"Brat...are you ok?" he asked cautiously.

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm just extremely random. Stupid diary made me random...," I said, muttering the last sentence under my breath.

"Ok," Jake said, looking slightly scared at my talking-to-myself-ness, and then he made a break for the door, saying hurriedly, "Thanksforlettin'mestayhere," and then jumping in the truck.

Oh, yes, he definitely likes me now.

--------------------

_5:08 PM_

There's a new word. Shall I define it for you?

Ha, here, right from the dictionary.

Sar-casm (särkzm)

N.

1. A cutting, often ironic remark intended to wound.

2. A form of wit that is marked by the use of sarcastic language and is intended to make its victim the butt of contempt or ridicule.

Ooh, you are the butt of contempt or ridicule!

Ha, sucker!

-------------------

_5:10 PM_

Ooh, must go.

Gram made brownies with chocolate!

Yum!

Oh, duh...chocolate...brownies...Ha.

You know, when I was little, I thought chocolate was dirty so I wouldn't eat it!

----------------

_7:00 PM_

I think I'll take a nice long shower.

It's raining, you see.

I shower and get warm when it's raining.

Not that I don't like rain, mind you.

I just find relaxing in the bathtub...oh my god, a SPIDER!

I think I'll go shower and get rid of the goosebumps of seeing a dead spider on my desk...

Good night.

--------------------------

A/N: Sorry if the minutes stuff is annoying. I find it rather amusing, myself.

Heh. Sorry.

R&R NOWWWWWWW!

Please?

Please?

Now?


	4. Author's Note

Hey all,

This is an author's note ONLY!

Bwahaha I have failed you all miserably, I'm sorry.

_**Really.**_

Anywho, I'm not going to be updating for a while. With the hassle of extra chores at the mini horse ranch and leasing yet _another_ horse (probably the fifth one!), I'm going to be super busy.

Plus track & field started this week and practice is every day...

And **–giggles insanely- **I have a boyfriend now and he's taking me out every day so I never have much time away from him...cuz he's doing track too...

So if you care at all, there's an update on my life!

Oh yeah, homework. We have a Renaissance fair which is terribly gay...

So I'll update ASAP if I can but I doubt it!

Oh yes, then there's my surgery and Advanced Band audition...

Wow I'm busy!

In fact, here are the reasons I can't update:

Monday: Track, trumpet lessons, etc.

Tues.: Track meet, etc.

Wed.: Track, 4-H project meeting...etc

Thurs.: Track meet, riding lesson, etc.

Fri.: Track, art class, etc.

And h/w. The stupidest invention in Middle Earth!

Ahem, earth.

So there's my daily schedule!

If you care,

Till I update,

DSA


	5. Of Paint Revolution and Space Pens

**The Secret Diary of a Horse Lover**

**Chapter 4: Of Paint Revolution and Space Pens**

_Monday June 22, 6:15 AM. Haha. _

Today, might I say, is Monday.

Ooooh, that _rhymed!_

Now tell me just how awesome that is!

Anyway, I have no school today, so I think I'll decorate stuff with sparkly spray paint. Maybe Ace would like to be Perfect Pink with Sparkle.

---------------------------

Now, where is the sparkly spray paint?

Ah. Yes. In the cabinet.

Oh, no. Why must _everything _be in the cabinet of DOOM?

Humphrey the Lost Whale.

Tee-hee. See, when I was little, there was this book that was called _Humphrey the Lost Whale. _So, whenever I say "Hmph!" I add "Free the lost whale."

-----------------------

Why are you looking at me like that?!

So I am hyper! Sheesh kabobs!

------------------

Any way, I am going on a sparkle hunt.

You know, I think I have talked to this diary more than I've talked to Jen in the past three days. I Have no life whatsoever. I should probably get out more and not carry this adorable little book everywhere with me.

Stop looking at me like that!

You know what I just realized? I think somewhere in this diary I wrote about making a promise not to leave my room.

Oh wait. Jake isn't here...so I can sneak food up to my room, stop at the cabinet, and get sparkly paint.

On your mark, get set...GO!

-----------------

_Same day, same boring place...7:00 AM_

I sprinted. I got purple sparkly spray paint, but sadly, nothing else. Except for a huge, giant, chocolate cake!

Boo ya! Who is totally awesome!

Dude. There will be ants in my room for a week. But whatever! It's worth getting to eat a chocolate cake all alone in my room!

Even better than chugging down a pint of ice cream like every other girl out there.

-------------------

Ok, this giant cake with little chocolate rosettes is completely bringing sexy back.

Wow. That was a cue for that song to start playing!

I'm bringing sexy back! Them other boys don't know how to act! Girl let me make up for the things you lack! Cuz I'm burning up for you and that's a fact!

Dirty baaaabe...you see these shackles baby I'm you slave! I'll let you whip me if I misbehave! It's just that no one makes me feel this way!

Ahem.

---------------

_7:45 AM, stuffed full of cake._

As I mentioned in this previous sentence, I am stuffed full of cake.

Ok, to keep my mind off puking, I shall now spray paint.

Yes, it is non-toxic, if you were wondering.

So, no, Ace will not die if I turn him Plum Fresh Purple With Bonus Sparkles!

Where did I even get this sparkly paint? It's going to be the new fabulous thing in about 10 years! All anyone will be able to do is spray paint stuff with sparkly paint.

I am starting a revolution. A Paint Revolution!

No longer shall I settle for boring paint! No longer shall gangsters use black spray paint!

From now on, I am fighting for free sparkly paint use!

Er, righto...

--------------------------

_10:33 AM, in bathroom, hiding. What!? Don't look at me like that!_

So I got grounded.

Is it my fault that I didn't know that my dad didn't want sparkles on Ace?

Technically, Ace is my horse. So I have the rights to tickle him pink! I mean, purple.

Well...no...remember, cuz Dad was all like, "Dude. Ace's my horse. You can't sell him, fool."

-----------------------

Can you totally see the image of my cowboy dad speaking like a wankster? You know, wanna-be gangster?

I can. Actually, no. I can't, sadly enough.

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Does my dad's chain hang low?

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I really think I should lie down before that cake decides it doesn't want to stay down low.

Don't look at me like that, inanimate object with no eyes! I am feeling v. sick to my stomach.

I have taken to abbreviating very with v.

It's easier, although I have to say that writing vvvvvvv isn't exactly fun. People may read my diary and think I am crazy.

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I am lying on my back on my bed, using my special space pen.

Haven't you ever seen one of those? You can write with it anywhere!

Here, I'll copy down the ad...

NASA Ames Research Center: Space Pen!

You can write with it anywhere you like...upside down, right side up, sideways, on the wall, on the ceiling, underwater, in zero gravity, inside a cow's belly...

All right, you caught me. I added one last tiny thing to that list.

Guess which one it was!

What's that you say? Cow's belly? Of course not, silly! You can write inside a cow's belly with a pen!

No, I'm joking. It was the cow's belly. Like when Jake said, "Darker than the inside of a cow's belly."

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Jake!

All righty. I've gotta go ride out and feed the horses. Toodle-oo!

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A/N: Slightly stupider than normal, but I just had to update.

Review!

-dSA


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